Hana's Writing
Terror on the Icy Street
Lucy and Jordon, who were peacefully sitting on top of the bus,
were on their way for long day of school. Suddenly, there was a huge CRASH! The
bus want swerving left to right, down onto the ground lye Lucy and Jordon.
Panicking In fear, Jordon got up and dazed all around.“Lucy, wake up! Wake up! I need you to get up, come on! Come on!
Come on!” Jordon frightened and scared.
Finely, Lucy woke up startled in fear, not knowing what
happened.
“What, what, what is going on! Where are we?” Questioned Lucy,
trying to figure out what happened.
“Jordon we need to get out of here, forget about the people, I
need to get out!” Cried Lucy!
“No Lucy we need to help these people, don’t be selfish now and
calm down,” commanded Jordon. Stamped around the bus to see if everyone was all
right, checking their pulse rate also helping them up.
By Hana
This is an excellent piece of work.
ReplyDelete* You used great sentence openers.
* You varied your sentence structure.
W- You need to ensure that your writing makes sense
Phenomenal work!
ReplyDelete*Great sentence openers.
*variety of said words.
W-Correct your spellings.
Hana Amazing work!
ReplyDeleteI love how you used different words instead of said!