The Raging Sea
The
tranquil sea is a blanket of diamonds
As
calm as the peaceful paradise
Gently
as the river moves it strolls gracefully
Floating
calmly like a dove
The
placid sea is like a carpet of sapphires
Gentle
gems shimmer as the sunlight beams
As
it starts getting traumatising like a vicious viper
The
sea turns ravenous and starts roaring fiercely
The
sea is like a tornado raging ferociously
The
sea starts to crash crash crash like a fierce lion
It
turns invincible and slams its fist like a furious giant
Is
it a hurricane or an earthquake that roars this way?
As
it starts getting calmer the ravenous sea goes away
Dancing
gracefully is the peaceful sea
It
glisters like a shining sapphire
Finally
it is the calmest and placid sea ever!
By
Aisha Mohamed
very good adjectives and interesting vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThe word you used tranquil was an exellent word to use it also flows with your amazing descriptive peice of writing. i like the vocab you used for example placid ** i wish wich is more adjectives
ReplyDeleteI like the way you start with a peaceful sea then into a crashing one!
ReplyDeleteYou have used lots of powerful vocabluary but you need to explain how is it getting calm.Whats happening to it?
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that you used lots of similes and metaphors
ReplyDeleteyou have very good vocab and your sentences were really good maybe explain a bit better
ReplyDeleteAn excellent piece of writing, I especially like the description.
ReplyDeleteanazing work i like when you said Like a blanket of diamonds
ReplyDeletelike a tornado raging ferociously - i like this very much and it puts a detailed picture in my head.
ReplyDeleteGently as the river moves it strolls gracefully - you can improve this.
You did very good and its an exellent peice of work.
ReplyDeleteYopu did a marvoullous peice of work.
ReplyDeleteyou used lots of powerfull vocabulary
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece of work.
ReplyDelete*I love your similes.
*Appropriate use of vocabulary.
* I wish you had added good openers.
I realy liked your description, its has intresting similies and vocaulary but mabey add some connectines and oppeners!
ReplyDeleteI really like your similies
ReplyDeleteGood use of vocabulary
Try and vary your openers
I like your similies and your wonderful powerful vocabulary such as your adgectives.Ienjoyed your poem.
ReplyDeleteTry and vary your openers.
I enjoyed reading your work because....
ReplyDelete*you used great vocabulary
*you used loads of similes in the right place
one thing you need to improve on is.......
*use more openers in the first and third paraghraph
Your piece of writing is good you had:
ReplyDeleteGood similies.
Good adjectives.
You could have had better openers.
This work had powerful conectives and punctuation i enjoyed it alot
ReplyDeleteA brilliant poem!
ReplyDelete* You used amazing vocabulary
* You also used excellent openers
W- You should have used your punctuation properly.
In my opinion, I think Aisha's work was spectacular.
ReplyDeleteShe included vcop, complex sentences, compound sentyences and short sentences also alot of adjectives.
Good use of connectives
ReplyDelete*I like your metaphors
*I like the similies you used
you need to improve on using punctuation
Good use of vocab. You used great openers.
ReplyDeleteYou could use more better punctuation
*great vocabulary
ReplyDelete*good simlies
an amazing poem
I really enjoyed reading this powerful poem of the raging sea. The vocabulary is really good and I also liked the fact it was peaceful at first then it went really angry. In my opinion i really liked reading it
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your raging sea poem because...
ReplyDeleteyou have great sense of vocabulary
you have fantastic adjective
To improve your work I think you should change your openers
Good use of connectives
ReplyDelete*I like your openers
*I like your metaphors
you need to improve on your punctuations
This was an amazing piece of work, I thourght the VCOB was fantastic, and it was well detailed!
ReplyDeleteI like the way Ashia really explained the feeling of the raging sea its a very good poem. I like the good personification
ReplyDeleteAn amazing piece of writing.I really enjoyed the poem and i like your openers and vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteA marvellous piece of work because of the incredible use of punctuation and the description, which describes everything. You can use more metaphors to improve.
ReplyDeleteI love your work!I wish I can write like that
ReplyDelete*Good vocabulary
*You don't have add to anything to your work
*Good similies