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Wednesday 6 March 2013

Zulaikah's work


 Way Home
 


As the boy called Shane, pours milk into the metallic bowl covered in dents, the cat with no name purrs with satisfaction.
“All right, cat legs I think that’s enough milk for today,” the boy whispers to his cat. Exhausted Shane fell asleep, beside his beloved cat, as result of drinking a lot of milk. Peacefully sleeping unaware of the surrounding dangers, the young boy dreams of seeing his parents once again. In the morning, Shane wakes up and realizes his best cat is nowhere to be found!

 
Shane’s poor heart shattered into a million pieces. Desperately the boy dashes to find his cat.
“Kitty cat where are you?” bellows Shane hoping to find the cat with no name. Shane who begins to think of all the dreadful things which could have possibly happen to his cat searches hurriedly.
“Meow!” came a catlike sound.
“Spitfire. Is that you?” the boy called Shane asks whilst being overjoyed. Then there was a moment of silence. A large scrawny cat appeared with eyes that glistened in the moonlit sky. To Shane’s disappointment it was spitfire. Eerie sounds grew louder and louder and louder. Suddenly there was a traumatizing sight…

 
Three large boys came out of nowhere. Shane, who was paralyzed in fear took a large step back as they viciously approached him.
“Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up!” came a menacing voice. Shane’s worst nightmare had returned. THE GANG!!!
“He’s that spoilt rat who snitched on us to the police!” roared the main member with a menacing look on his face.
“I...m.mm s.o...rrr.y. I’m just a little boy,” hesitated Shane, who was terror-stricken in fear.
“You will be a dead boy in a second. Get him boys!” roared one of the gang members shaking his fists. As quick as lightning, Shane dashed away from the furious boys, as they chased him. Panting out of breath the gang still continued to chase him. It was obvious they would not let him go this time. Shane who spotted a great hiding place ran there out of sight. Unfortunately, they saw him!

 
Suddenly, out of nowhere a huge and hungry savage dog attacked the gang! As they struggled to escape, Shane, who caught a gasp of air sprinted away, feeling relieved. Meanwhile the regretful boys were nearly being devoured by the massive dog, but eventually broke free covered in painful bruises. Even though, Shane was about to collapse from exhaustion he still ran unsure if they were still after him.

“I’m so lucky to get away,” Shane whispered to himself.
“I’m happy you’re ok spitfire,” Shane spoke
“Spitfire, where are you? Oh yeah I lost you!” Shane whimpered wiping tears from his eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

 
Gently opening his eyes noticing familiar faces from his sleep. Shane knew it was not a dream but his beloved parents.
“Shane, love are you alright,” came a sweet voice from his mother.
“I’m so glad you’re safe. I’m so sorry for our behaviour,” spoke his mum as she hugged her son.
“Where is my Kitty cat?” asked Shane.
“Who’s that?” replied his father sounding confused and rubbing his chin.
“Let’s go home darling,” whispered his mother as she held his hand.

 
Later on, at home, Shane received a newspaper that read ‘Three teenagers were arrested for terrorizing young boys.’
“Meow!!!” came a familiar voice.
“Cat legs?” asked Shane looking out of the window. Then buried beneath the short grass out came SPITFIRE!
“I will never lose you again,” whispered Shane tightly hugging his cuddly and fluffy cat.

 
Written By Zulaikah

20 comments:

  1. It is good to use capital letters for effect and next time try to use more drop in clauses

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  2. God similie at the start

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  3. i really liked when you kept on changing the cats name

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  4. Good description and an excellent piece of writing.

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  5. You used good vocabulary and you started it very well

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  6. it was very good it used some good vocab and complex sentances the thing to work on would be sentance length

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  7. Very good use of vocabulay

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  8. You used really nice dricriptions and vocabulary why not add a similie to dicribe the cat? Mabey some openers as well.

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  9. Excellent work! I like your direct speech and your power ful adjectives

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  10. Good use of vocabulary but you could also add some more similes

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  11. Brilliant work!
    *You used excellent vocabulary.
    *You used brilliant connectives.

    W-In my opinion you should use better sentence openers.

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  12. *Good use of conectives
    *Good use of openers
    You can improve by useing more puncuation.

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  13. I enjoyed this amazing piece of work.

    * You used great vocabulary
    * You used a variety of punctuation

    W- You used a comma in the wrong place (As the boy called Shane, pours milk into the metallic bowl covered in dents, the cat with no name purrs with satisfaction).

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  14. Good vocab.
    Good connectives.
    *Better openers.

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  15. Outstanding work Zulaikah!
    I Love your vocabulary and adjectives
    I suggest you use similies.

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  16. I really enjoyed your way home story because...
    *you have used a good use f connectives
    *you have used a good use of vocabulary

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  17. *Good use of conectives
    *Good use of openers
    You can improve by useing beeter openers

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  18. *Good vocab.
    *Good connectives.
    *Batter openers.

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  19. A amazing piece of work due to the fact that it creates an immense amount of tension to the reader and your connectives are brilliant.

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  20. Great work vocab and conectives are outstanding.

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