11 Year Old
Skips for the Longest Amount of Hours
Two
days ago, Sam Wood (aged 11) wanted to beat the current record of skipping (8
hours and 46 minutes) in her local park in Ilford. This was in order to be in
the Guinness Book of World Records. The current record now is skipping non-stop
for 14 hours.
Stella,
who is the record breaker’s best friend, claimed that she could not believe her
eyes when she saw how vigorous Sam was. “I am extremely proud of my talented
daughter, Sam,” explained Sam’s mother in amazement. Furthermore, adults and
children are surprised about this for many hours. This ecstatic girl (Sam)
wanted to break the world record; she was inspired by a celebrity she once saw
on television when she was a young child. The majority of her neighbourhood
have looked up to her as she has a fantastic skill.
Our
best record breaker has inspired younger children, who want to be as good as
her or even better. “I want to put my skill to use so hopefully, I shall break
another record to raise money for charity!” announced Sam in exhilaration. Many
people hope that she will break a lot of other records such as: the longest
Amount of hours to hold their breath. Will anyone ever be able to break this
outstanding world record? Only time will tell…
By
Husna
Fantastic work!
ReplyDelete*You used great punctuation.
*You used a great question at the end.
W-Vary your sentence openers.
An excellent piece of work! I liked the question at the end and good use of ellipse.
ReplyDeleteGood vocab
ReplyDeleteGood connectives
*Better punctuation
Husna you used good use of ellipse, great puntuation and you used a great question at the end of your story.
ReplyDelete*Good use of puncuation
ReplyDelete*Good use of openers
W- Try to use more vocabulary
You have used a great amount of punctuation such as colon, speech marks, semi colon, question mark and ecclamation mark. You have also used many connectives
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your record breaking article Husna because...
ReplyDelete*you have used a good use of a question at the end
*you have used a fantastic group of punctuation
To improve your writing I think you should vary your sentence openers
Fantastico
ReplyDelete*Great use of puncuation
*Exellent question at the end
you need to improve by using more better openers
Fantastic work!
ReplyDelete*Good vocab
*Good use of similes
*I like your work a lot!
Exceptional work Husna! Your writing has a lot of potential. The only thing you can improve is to use a variety of sentence openers.
ReplyDeleteYou have used excellant vocabluary and lots of wow words.Try making it better to use statistics.
ReplyDelete